


Comfort and Strength

by TheAverageOne11



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Canon Rewrite, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Eventual Smut, M/M, Overdosing, POV TK Strand, Post-Break Up, Slow Burn-ish
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-03-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:54:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23112037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAverageOne11/pseuds/TheAverageOne11
Summary: Going through heartbreak and his first relapse in a long time, TK Strand is taken to Austin by his father, where they start a new station and a new life together.AKA: The complete revamp of the TK and Carlos storyline from 9-1-1 Lone Star that no one asked for.Please note, this follows along the canon storyline and only rewrites certain aspects of TK and Carlos's relationship.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand
Comments: 11
Kudos: 39





	Comfort and Strength

**Author's Note:**

> Here we are!  
> Been meaning to write this for awhile now, but life got in the way. Now that I'm stuck home thanks to the pandemic I figured I'd use the time to do something creative.  
> Was kinda disappointed by the Tarlos storyline, but it wasn't so bad, I guess I just expected something else.

Boys are worse than drugs.

For as long as he could remember, TK Strand had always had an issue with addiction. An addiction to alcohol, drugs, boyfriends, people in general. Anything he loved really; anything that could give him that feeling of bliss, of comfort and strength. At this point he couldn't really remember how it started or how it escalated. He thought maybe it was the accessibility of it all. He wasn't rich, but he wasn't poor either; with a respectable family, his dad was a hero after all, very handsome and popular in school and to top it all off, lived in New York, the city that never rests, nor does it let your life rest either. There was always something happening, something to do, especially in those wild years. People had come and gone. Perhaps he was looking for someone to hang on to, someone besides his mother and father who would be there for him no matter what. He thought he'd found that many times, each coming with it's own disappoint and cruel lesson; Lessons he numbed by any means he could.

People are unpredictable. They're uncertain and unsafe and they had a way of making him feel vulnerable and naive. TK never knew what to expect from them, but he could never really stop loving them either, even in spite of how they made him feel. They are a drug he could never quit. With pills it was the opposite. He knew exactly what to expect, he knew what they would do and, as much as it terrifies him, he knew exactly what would happen if he took one too many. But none of it mattered because they gave him something he was looking for, craving even - serenity. In those blissful moments, he felt numb, he felt relaxed, untouchable. As if nothing could possibly get him off his high. But of course, that was all a lie too.

He remembers when they started arguing. It was right after 9/11, his eight year old birthday just round the corner. What he doesn't remember is why. He didn't understand it at the time. In fact he didn't understand until very recently. He didn't understand how two people who loved each other, who were meant for each other, allowed their relationship to end because of their inability to communicate. He thought it was selfish, because it wasn't just them involved. When his dad missed his eight year old birthday, that was the beginning of the end for his parents' relationship. But when they decided to file for divorce, it wasn't just them who suffered. Somehow they had completely forgotten about their eight year old child. TK wasn't ready to lose one his parents at that age, they had to have known that. They still loved each other, which is probably the part that hurt the most. They divorced, ruined his life, for no reason, other than to run away from their problems rather than face them. He'd come to that realization when he got just a little bit older and it made him resent his parents. When his dad remarried, it was the last straw. That was around the time his drug problems started. It was almost unbelievable how easy it was to get his hands on them, and it only got worse from that point on.

Maybe it was poetic karma, all that hate and resentment towards his parents all those years for their divorce leading into the unholy mess that were his relationships. He'd been told he had horrible taste in men, but he doesn't really agree. His only problem was his naive nature. He was ready to jump head first into a relationship, but all the other person cared about was getting off. The gay community was a mess, he concluded. But Alex was different, he was a breath of fresh air. At a certain point he started thinking that people like him don't exist, which is why when he met him and started dating him, he felt like he'd found his soulmate. So he took big swings, just like his dad always said, rushing through the relationship, completely ignoring any of the signals and bad feelings he got, not because he didn't notice them, but because he was so desperate not to end up like his parents. Alex made him feel safe, he was like a cushion and no matter how many big steps he took, Alex would keep up and if he fell, Alex would catch him.

So when the took the biggest step of them all, he was surprised to find that he was now walking on air, with Alex being no where in sight to cushion his fall. What happened felt really dumb and illogical, like he was suddenly in the center of those romcoms his mother watched so much. It was also extremely humiliating, bending down on one knee, proposing to Alex, the whole restaurant turning their heads towards them, some in disgust, others in joy and anticipation; TK was used to it and it was certainly better than when he was in high school. It was humiliating how after all of that, Alex's face remained displeased, the faintest glimmer of sadness and pity in his eyes as he told him to get up. "Clearly I should have spoken first. I'm sorry." He had said and that was when TK realized that his heart was about to be broken. He told him about Mitchell, how he cheated on him with his spin cycle instructor. He told him he had felt awful at first, but then he couldn't get him out of his head, so he saw him again, and again, and again. TK's eyes had already started shedding tears, though he tried to hide it. Finally, his boyfriend's strange behavior over the previous month had made sense. The funny thing was that TK was so afraid of losing him, that he was ready to forgive him. The honesty was definitely admirable, but then, Alex told him that he's in love with Mitchell, and just like that, it all crumbled.

In retrospect, TK probably should have been a little more civilized, but how else was he supposed to react to what Alex was telling him? So he got up, placed the little box with the engagement ring in it on Alex's side of the table and left the restaurant. "Here. Now you can go ahead and marry him." He remembers saying angrily, barely holding his tears together before he stormed out. He could have sworn he heard Alex calling out for him, or maybe he just imagined it, he didn't care either way. _He was falling_ , and he needed something that would help him stay high in the air. He doesn't remember where he was going, probably nowhere, but he was crying, people threw strange glances at him but didn't really bother him. It was New York, no one had the time to make sure you were alright. So he kept walking, trying to avoid the big, crowded streets and that's when he saw him out of the corner of his eye. He recognized a dealer when he saw one. So he took as many pills as he could. _Thank god for the opioid epidemic._ He had thought, but maybe his gratitude came a little too soon.

What's even worse is that TK wasn't really blaming Alex. He wasn't even angry with him, because he redirected all of that anger and resentment towards himself. TK blamed himself, because he didn't want to blame anybody else. He never liked hating people, no matter what they did to him. He was flawed, he must be. That's why Alex fell in love with somebody else so easily. He'd concluded that there had to be something wrong with him. That he simply wasn't enough and Mitchell was just better than him in every possible way. Thoughts like that kept harassing him in repetition. He tried to think about something else, he tried to focus on anything else, but he couldn't. There was also the sharp pain in his chest. Heartbreak wasn't associated with the heart for no reason, he'd realized. By the time he got to his apartment he was a mess. He looked at the bottle of pills and hesitated, he tried thinking about anything else that would anchor him to happiness in that moment. The only other person was his dad, but he thought about the humiliation of telling him he got rejected and suddenly he wanted to disappear again. No matter what he thought of, Alex would infiltrate his thoughts.

The last thing he remembers was going into his apartment, opening the bottle of Oxys and just like that, putting an end to his sobriety, that had lasted for years. Alex had been his anchor in a sense, there was no reason to take any pills or alcohol, why would there be? Everything was so perfect with him. TK honestly didn't intend to kill himself, he really didn't. But no matter how many he took the pain was still there, persisting. So he took more, and more, and more. And then he fell and he hit the cold, cushionless ground hard. At first his body got numb. Everything got blurry, as if he was leaving his body and going into another world, a world where everything was in slow motion. It was majestic. The next thing he remembered, there were first-responders in his house, his crew and... his dad. That was probably the worst part of it all, his dad seeing him in that state, his dad seeing him almost die... again; Even in spite of all those promises he made him that he would never touch another pill again. But everything felt so empty, so terrifying, to the point where TK wasn't even sure if was even alive. He thought maybe that's what death was, you repeat the worst or best imaginable thing in your life for all eternity. He had to make sure, so he reached up and hugged his dad as tight as he could, like if he let go he would fall again. True enough, he was real, the sweat on his body was real, his heart beating almost too quickly, him barely catching his breath from the shock, him telling him everything was okay as he caressed the back of his head. It was all real and it was safety.

He was taken to a hospital after that and by the time he got done with all the annoying procedures it had already turned night. It wasn't his first overdose, so he got over it fairly quickly. His dad took him somewhere quiet to talk and get some fresh air, and that's how he got to where he is now. He didn't feel any better than he did before he took those pills, in fact he feels even worse. It was very ironic, but TK knew he had it coming, he knew very well those pills wouldn't help him in the long term, but he lost his control. They sat down, neither saying a single word for what seemed like an eternally long couple of minutes. His mind betrayed him and he thought about Alex again. C _urse him._ He thought to himself. He was so desperate to get him out of his head that he almost wanted to take more pills, but he knew he couldn't do that do his dad, not again. It would break the poor man. He wondered if Alex would find out about the overdose, probably not, at least he hoped so. He doesn't ever want to see him again. So he took a deep breath and focused on the view, the fresh air, anything he could. That's when his dad finally spoke.

"Damn it, TK, you promised me this would never happen again." He said, his voice was calm and collected, but TK knew he was very upset. Which certainly didn't help him relax. "Where'd you get the pills?"

"Come on dad, I mean there's an opioid epidemic. I mean you could throw a stick and you'll hit ten guys selling Oxys." He replied matter-of-factly. He realized maybe he shouldn't have phrased it like that, because his dad was taken aback. Probably because of how informed he was, not that there was anyway he wouldn't be, He was a firefighter, they responded to these kinds of calls.

"Is this your first relapse or is there something you wanna tell me?" Owen asked, a very concerned yet stern expression on his face. There it was, the question he's been waiting for. Didn't make it any easier hearing it though, it was almost insulting that his dad doubted him like that, but it was to be expected.

"No, I haven't touched a pill in, in years!" Owen eyed him suspiciously, his face spelling out his signature 'are you sure about that?' look. "I swear!" He added for good measure. He wasn't lying. While he was with Alex, pills were something of a distant memory for him. He was afraid that if he got addicted again, he would lose Alex. But it looks like none of it mattered in the end. His dad genuinely looked bewildered and frightened though.

"Were you trying to kill yourself?" There it was. The second question he expected today.

"No." He simply answered. And it was the truth. He really didn't want to, he just wanted to numb that stupid pain away. His dad kept looking at him though, so he figured he needed an explanation why. He took a couple of breathes and he went in. His dad would understand, no matter how embarrassed he was. "He's in love with somebody else." He realized he didn't specify a name, but his dad knew who he was talking about. He'd repeated the name Alex so many times in his head while he was finding the right words that he simply left it out when he finally said it out loud. He'd had enough of that name. He remembers talking to his dad about how weird Alex had been acting. So he kept going. "And that's by he's been acting weird." Owen looked as if it all made sense now, but not too surprised, like he'd had his suspicions. TK understands why he didn't say anything, after all, it was just suspicion, and he didn't want to get in the way of his son's relationship. TK always understood people, he didn't like starting unnecessary drama. But he kept talking, not because he needed to, but because it felt good to have someone to vent to. "A Spin Cycle instructor named Mitchell." He added, just to emphasize how pathetic the situation was. It worked, his dad scoffed, as if that was the biggest downgrade of the century, which TK appreciates a lot. They didn't know anything about Mitchell, but TK could tell it wouldn't last long and that was the only thing that made the bitterness go away.

"I'm sorry." Owen said, cupping the back of his head and patting him on the back. He meant it, he heard it in his voice, even though he never liked Alex to begin with. His dad understood how much he meant to him though, how much he loved him and he understood what it feels like to have all that taken away. He felt better knowing that his dad has gone through the same heartbreak, at least twice, so he cheered up. But he looked at his dad again and he realized that he would end up no different. Like father like son. So he made a pact with himself, never to date anyone ever again. He never wanted to feel that burning sensation, that pain ever again, he never wants his mental stability to depend on anyone either, so he would lock those romantic desires away. By doing so he's going to protect himself from his addiction and therefore from hurting his dad. _His addiction._ He almost forgot what had happened to bring him here in the first place.

"Are you gonna have to report this now?" TK asked, his eyes practically beginning his dad to say no. He needed something to concentrate on, he needed as little time to himself as possible. More than ever, he needed to work. He couldn't afford to get suspended.

"We used the battering ram. The whole crew was there." Owen replied, his tone indicating that he thought that was a stupid question. Of course, knowing the circumstances, he had no other choice but to report it.

"The last thing I need right now is to be suspended." TK said, his eyes begging once more. It was true, he needed his job now, he was confident his dad knew that. Owen gave out a resigned sigh.

"I'll report it as an accidental overdose. That'll satisfy them." He said, his voice resigned. Their crew don't know he's an addict so he's safe. TK almost smiled for the first time since the dinner with Alex, but he felt a big 'but' coming in. "But it won't satisfy me." _There it is._ "It is tough love from now on. You want out of this? You do this my way. Therapy, twice a week, with a therapist that I choose." Owen said. TK didn't like the sound of any of that, he didn't feel like he needed therapy, but he never did and it was probably for the best. If that's what it takes to be back on the job again, so be it. But judging by Owen's calculating expression, that wasn't the end of it. "And pack your stuff. We're getting out of town." His dad finally added. Now that definitely sounded like a horrible idea.

"Dad, please, I am not in the mood for a vacation." The whole point of this arrangement was so he can get back to work immediately, going on a road trip defeats the whole purpose. It's the last thing he needs right now. But his dad gently shook his head, which confused TK.

"I'm not talking about a vacation." TK was dumbfounded. What did he mean it wasn't a vacation? Hopefully his dad didn't mean going to see mom. That would just be adding salt to the wound, plus he didn't want to worry her. "There was a horrible accident down in Austin, Texas. Almost the entire station 126 was wiped out. They want me to head down there and start a new station from scratch, just like I did here." He explained. _Texas._ Not his first choice for relocation that's for sure. And it's so far and so...different.

"Dad, look I don't know if I can-"

"TK, you need this. We both do. We've spent our entire lives in New York, for better or worse. And you always complain about how unsociable our crew is. We get to turn over a new leaf, TK, and leave this whole mess behind us." He told him softly. TK exhaled, thinking it over for a solid minute before he finally nodded.

"Well, I guess that's one way of not seeing Alex ever again." Owen frowned slightly. TK didn't like that look on pity on his face, so he had to add something. "Plus I hear the guys are pretty hot down there." He added jokingly, to which Owen finally laughed.

"That's the spirit, though I wouldn't jump into anything quite yet if I were you." Owen said, clearly concerned for TK's well-being. TK just smiled and looked down, knowing full well that he had nothing to worry about. TK promised himself that there would be no more relationships and he had every intention of going through with that. Suddenly his dad got up. "Okay, come on kid, we gotta get packing. We leave first thing in the morning. We got a 26 hour drive ahead of us." TK sighed. This was all so exasperating, but it suited TK. He didn't really want any time to rest at home tonight.

Early in the morning, they put all their luggage into the car, said goodbye to some of the neighbors that were awake, drove by the station so say goodbye to the crew of Station 252 as his dad filled in some paperwork. They had already contacted their closer friends, well his dad's mostly. TK didn't really have a lot of people. Everyone he was close to had moved out of New York after high school, whether it was for collage or work, and he gradually lost contact with them. It was around that time that he overdosed as well. He wasn't really leaving much behind, he realized, which rather than cheer him up, somehow made moving out of New York even sadder; Incomplete, in a sense. But none of it mattered now.

Just like that, they were off, the winds of New York brushing past them through their open car windows. After a couple of minutes his dad turned on the radio and _Hard Livin' by Chris Stapleton_ started playing. Great, they just started driving and TK already feels like he was going to go insane from being stuck in the car with his dad. But he wasn't complaining, because deep down he enjoyed the company. It had always been his dad and him. Still, TK couldn't help but to look back at the tall buildings of New York through the back window one last time.

 _Hasta la vista, New York._ He said to himself and smiled, that was certainly a new one. _This is going to work._ He thought, and he desperately hopes he is right.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> Should I continue this? Any ideas you have regarding the story?  
> Feel free to drop off any thoughts or critiques in the comments below.


End file.
